true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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