If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Is it because I queefed?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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