3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
