I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
