Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
