DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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