His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Randomize
