dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
They took my balls.
I could fuck to npr.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
