I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
