I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
