Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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