I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
