she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
The air was thick with penises
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
