Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
