I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
