sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
