You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
