the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Randomize
