I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
