she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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