Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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