maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
My balls are so social today.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
