i think my tv is drunk
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
