Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
