WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
