If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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