What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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