Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
