I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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