its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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