just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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