Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
They took my balls.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
