And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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