i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
