Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
