just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
she smelled like a LAN party
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
