And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
