I can tuck mytits in my pants
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
