i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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