i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
