i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
