you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
