Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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