The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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