I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
