dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
