Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
