she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
