This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
