I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
